Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
