Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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