Define "chronic" masturbator.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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