in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
