I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
3pm strippers are depressing
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
this is an emotional support booty call
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
