Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
