Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i will never coherently bang her
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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