I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
A+ Viking dick
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
