I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize