eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
