would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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