I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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