I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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