Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
