I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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