I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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