She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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