heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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