I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
