dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
