My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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