Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
