Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
