then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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