i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
