I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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