seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Everyone says I win the strip club
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
