last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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