he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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