i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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