Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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