we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
