I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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