hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
