Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
