She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
