a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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