Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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