hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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