remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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