dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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