Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
