You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she peed on how many people?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
