after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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