I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
