i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
