ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Come share oat with me in your robe
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
