32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
