do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
