Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
