She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
