I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
