but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
People in love make me want to vomit
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
