I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
