So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We left an ass print on the piano.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
