from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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