why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
