its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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