I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I cockslap morals
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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