it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I am one with the molecules
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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