Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
That's when you crack a 10am beer
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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