I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
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from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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