filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
