still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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