the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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