Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
