I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
