the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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