Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
