He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
