just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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