o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
